I hate myself

I am 33 years old, divorced and the son of 11 years. There is a girl that I like love and she loves me, but I hate myself for the case that happened to me 8 years ago ... To you it was easier to understand what happened to need a little introduction.
With me sometimes strange things happen, I call it my &quotPRET&quot. Here are 2 examples: in the 10th grade I was walking home from school by taxi and raced time seems stopped and I saw myself from the outside - I raised my hand, the taxi stopped, I sat proudly and it is important to him and called the taxi driver the address. He indignantly asked me: &quotA the money you have?&quot To which I proudly replied: &quotKonechno there! Spin the wheel&quot (the money of course there was no where in 16 years milksop money for a taxi). I shook my head, and the vision disappeared .. "It looks like riding the attic" - I thought, crossing a road. On the other side of the road lay a package I kicked him and he suddenly rang ... I picked up the package and saw in him the purse and in it 130 rubles (a considerable sum for 1982) ...... Example 2 The same 10 class on a whale Code of Criminal Procedure taken away from us blogs shut in his closet and told to come with their parents and himself furiously dumped. And some power here lifts me and leads to the door of his closet. Hand I feel for the key in the pocket of his jacket and the school know that I am the door open with his key at the same time understand that this is complete nonsense. And what, go up, take out the key and open the door, the whole class groans, breaks from their seats and snapped up by blogs. Close the door, I could not, and at the next session could not open (specifically checked himself) at a whale castle did not change (paint on the screws was old) .Vot so I was rushing though with age it happens rarely. Well, in general turn to the substance.
One day my friend and we went to a restaurant on the Anchor ul.Gorkogo from Belorussky railway station, entering the restaurant I was dumbfounded literally, buddy shmyaknulsya nose on my neck and cried. And I was stunned because I saw a girl of my dreams. She was sitting with a friend in the lobby, restaurant and smoking. They turned in surprise at his friend cry ... and then I realized that this girl I'll be happy all my life, and it can make happy .... eyes, lips, nose, hair, everything is so beckoning me. I approached her and said that went with it in kindergarten and since then in love, looking for her all my life and finally found it. She laughed the laugh that sometimes I just fancied a dream and said that of course I lied that she was younger than me and nothing I remember I can not. And here I was flooded !!!
I'm guessing her name that she had recently married, and when the hall flew what that type furiously glared and took, I said that she had a second wedding day and her husband boots (military) and he not be able to make happy, in short I was carrying a lot of things, and then all the bull's eye ... girlfriend goggles and constantly repeated &quotty you know him? do you know each other?&quot My friend, too, I was shocked by what is happening. Then I told the waiter to give us a table so to see it:
All evening we could not take their eyes from each other, I realized that if you do not get her from her husband, we shall be unhappy all my life here, I really ohamel and invited her to dance weird but nobody stuffed me face (after I paid the musicians so that they longer playing ballads). I hugged her and got drunk on the smell of her hair, drowning in her eyes, gloh from her laughter and said, said he loved her and was looking for all my life that I have to get her out of here, that make her happy. My friend also was not bored and began to care for her friend who was a witness. We danced and danced all guests hateful eyes were looking at us, and the bride looks like a very high opinion of himself probably considered it beneath their dignity to be jealous and to make a scene (I'm in his place would have killed all of it), but it was on my hand .. . in general, during a break between dances I told a friend that get her out of here right now, he emphatically shook his finger to his temple, but I had heard vaguely how he eagerly tried to persuade his new girlfriend to run away with us. I went crazy in love and she seems to had bewitched me. In short, we agreed that after 15 minutes they come out of the restaurant and we are urging the taxi.
We were sitting in a taxi at the entrance to the restaurant and here comes my happiness and pulling his girlfriend's hand, and that's still 10 meters to the taxi I go out to open the door, and then takes off the angry crowd and a friend of mine says: &quotShef went&quot. I fall into the backseat, and we leave: I fell into a stupor (I think I chickened out) I hate myself terribly since she was a dream to me at night ... Let me be beaten, but I would have been happy with it .. . and maybe would not be ... What do you think, and ???